


The Last Time

by Babyshark35



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2019-12-18 04:22:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18242294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Babyshark35/pseuds/Babyshark35
Summary: So I literally cannot think of anything else right now, so here is my take on Alex and Michael’s conversation post 1x09. Caution possible episode 1x10 spoilers! Also, please forgive any poor grammar, I had to get it posted before tomorrow!





	1. Chapter 1

“I want to know who you are, Guerin”

“Do you want to know who I am, or do you want to know what I am?”

“Yes.”

“How did you find out?” Michael asked, mixed emotions swirling inside him, relief for finally being able to reveal himself, as well as inherent hesitancy.

“My father. He’s been investigating you. He’s been running an undercover operation called Project Shepherd.” 

Michael face then dropped, alarm spreading across it. He looked as if he was mentally preparing to cut and run. Alex could see his panic and quickly continued. 

“Don’t worry. I took care of it and him. I wouldn’t let him hurt you. Not again.” Alex paused for a moment, remembering, then continued, “I’ll explain everything, but first I want to talk about you.”

Michael let out a heavy breath, relaxed slightly and gave Alex a small nod. He walked over to one of the lawn chairs around the fire pit and sat down. Alex followed suit and sat across from him. 

“What do you want to know?”

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” 

“Alex...”

“My father said you’ve been targeting me for the last 10 years, using me to gain intel on his investigation.” 

Michael scoffed, “Tell me you don’t believe that. Shit, Alex. You may not know everything about me, but you should know how I feel about you. I love you, present tense. That has never been what this” gesturing between them, “has been about. Ever.”

Alex sat there watching Michael’s face, looking for anything that would make him doubt Michael’s words. Finding nothing but honesty in his eyes, Alex nodded. 

“I can tell you whatever you want to know, but it may be easier if I showed you.” Michael stood and walked over to the Airstream. He glanced back at Alex, took a deep breath and turned back to the trailer. Alex watched as it moved back several feet on it’s own, uncovering the entry to the fallout shelter.

“Guerin...what...what just happened?” Alex asked, standing. He cautiously walked over to where Michael stood, as the door to the shelter dropped open. 

Michael didn’t answer. Instead he motioned at Alex to follow him down the ladder. 

“Do you need any help getting down?”

“No, I can manage.”

Once they had both reached the bottom, Michael flipped on the lights. Alex walked around in curious awe at the artifacts, research and design sketches strewn about. The questions piling up in his head about what all he was looking at. 

Michael interrupted the silent list he was making, “I’m assuming if you know about me, then you know about...”

“Max and Isobel.” Alex added, nodding.

“Well you’ve heard the story like everyone else. Twenty years ago, the three of us were found wandering around in the desert, 7 years old, naked, mute. We actually hatched from pods out in the old turquoise mines. The pods...they kept us in stasis, not aging, since the UFO crash in ‘47. We have no idea how we got there, where we came from or why we crashed. We have no memory of anything before that day. What we do know if that all of us have abilities. I’m telekinetic, as you saw with the trailer, Max can heal and Isobel...she’s telepathic.”

“Telepathic? Like mind control?”

“More like she can influence others’.” Michael paused, then sighed, thinking about the last time she used her powers and where that got her. “Isobel, she’s...

“Not in rehab. Kyle told me.”

“Valenti? You’ve been talking to Kyle about us?” Michael questioned, the hurt obvious in his voice. Alex didn’t come to him when he first found out about who he was, but instead he went to Kyle. 

“My father brought Kyle into the project first, before I found out anything about you. I had to find out what Kyle knew.” 

Michael was infuriated. “So you just decided to buddy up with Valenti for your own little alien investigation, huh? I want to know who you are Guerin...ha. Why are you really here, Alex?”

“Because I needed to know that what my father said about you being a threat to humanity wasn’t true and that...” Alex paused, unsure if he should continue.

“And what?” Michael asked, almost yelling. 

“And that you weren’t involved in the 14 mysterious deaths by alien handprint that we’ve uncovered.”

“Wait, what?” The anger in Michael’s voice gone, now dropping to a whisper, his eyes wide.

“It started with Rosa Ortecho’s death. She wasn’t killed in a car accident, but you already knew that.”

Michael froze at Rosa’s name and stared off to the wall behind Alex. He had talked about that day so many times in the recent weeks, that he was almost coming to terms with his part in it, but now having to talk about it with Alex, he felt his heart plummet in his chest. 

Alex watched Michael almost shrivel into himself as he mentioned Rosa. He had heard Kyle’s story, but he needed to hear it from Michael. 

“Michael,” he said softly. Michael turned to look at him. “What happened that night?”

Michael swallowed hard before speaking.

“After I left you...after I left the shed...” Alex winced at the memory of that day. “I got a vision of Isobel. We have this sort of psychic link to each other, Max got it too. There was a blond body face down on the ground outside the old caves. I thought it was Isobel, so I drove like hell out there and found Kate and Jasmine. They were already gone. I ran into the cave looking for Isobel and found her with Rosa. Isobel was holding her with her hand over Rosa’s mouth. She was dead.”

Michael’s eyes started to tear, reliving that horrible moment. He stopped to look at Alex. Alex sniffled, trying to hold back his own emotions before nodding to Michael, silently urging him to continue. 

“It wasn’t Isobel standing there, it was someone else or something else. She looked possessed. She was saying all this stuff about Rosa knowing too much and that she had to do it. Then she just collapsed to ground unconscious. Max had gotten there by that point. He ran in to find me standing there in shock and Isobel on the ground. Max ran to Isobel. She was still alive so Max went to Rosa and tried use his powers to bring her back, but he couldn’t. She was gone. We panicked. I told Max we needed to call his parents or the police, even though I knew we couldn’t. We knew what would happen to us. They would find out what we were and all our worst nightmares would have come true. If one of us went down, we all did. Max said it was our fault, that we should have protected Isobel, that we should have known something was wrong with her and that we let this happen. He said, ‘we need to protect her now’ and I agreed. With my hand...we couldn’t move them, so I used my powers to get the girls to Rosa’s car. Isobel came to and found us putting them in the car. She had no idea what had happened, what she had done. I told her it was me. I told her that I had gotten into a fight, that the guy smashed my hand, so I got drunk and my powers went haywire and I accidentally killed them. I couldn’t tell her the truth. I couldn’t let her live with what she had done. Max went along with the lie. Once we had the girls in the car, I made the car drive off and crash, made it look like an accident. Then we never spoke about it again. Max and I were never the same—we stopped hanging out, barely spoke. We changed our plans, never left town so we could watch Isobel, but nothing else ever happened.” 

The words flew out of Michael. He felt a weight lifting just saying it all out loud to Alex, but he hesitated before meeting Alex’s eyes as he finished.

“Jesus, Michael.” Alex said, releasing a heavy breath he had been holding as he listened to Michael’s account of that night. Michael looked away, assuming that this would be the reason Alex would walk away for good. 

Alex instead walked slowly over to Michael. He reached out and cupped Michael’s face with his hands, turning his face so their eyes met. He looked at Michael for a moment before wrapping his arms around him. Michael returned the embrace, squeezing Alex tightly and sighed deep into his shoulder.

“They are my family, the only one I’ve ever known. I had to do it. I had to fight for them.”

“And then I left.” Alex whispered. 

Michael pulled back to look at him, eyes questioning. 

“I left to fight someone else’s war and left you here alone to fight yours.” 

Michael shook his head, stepped back from Alex and walked to the other side of the table.

“No, Alex. Don’t. Not today, ok? I can’t relive that day too.” 

Alex nodded, wiping a stray tear from his eye. 

Michael quickly changed the subject. “You said 14 deaths. That wasn’t...that couldn’t have been Isobel, no way. Max and I were so careful.”

“I believe you. Where is Isobel? Kyle said she was safe, but didn’t say where.”

“We put her back in her pod.”

“Wait, what? Why?”

“Max told Liz about what happened with Rosa and Liz made a serum to suppress Isobel’s powers. Isobel was worried she was going to hurt someone else, so she injected herself with it. It almost killed her, her cells started dying. Liz and I figured out a way to get her back in her pod, so we had time to find an antidote. That was 6 weeks ago, Liz and I have been working on it ever since.” 

“Liz knows? For how long?”

“Since the night The Crashdown was shot up. Max was with Liz when it happened. Liz was shot and killed. Max brought her back.”

“Oh my god.” 

“Then Liz told Kyle and Kyle probably told your father.” 

“Kyle hasn’t told my father anything about you or Max or Isobel. He already knew. How...I don’t know.” 

“You said you took care of him. What did you mean?”

“I tailed him and found his secret bunker. He’s been running the project for the last 8 years with family money, after the government shut it down. I blackmailed him to leave the country or I would expose him.”

“Alex, he could have killed you. I wouldn’t put it past him after all the things he’s done.” 

“I know, but it worked. He’s gone. Now Kyle and I are running the project. Not to expose you, but to find out who is killing all these people. If it’s not you, Max or Isobel, then there must be a fourth.”

“It’s always been just the three of us, but I’ve always wondered why we have no memories before hatching from the pods. Someone must not have wanted us to know something, maybe about another alien.” 

As Michael spoke, Alex had been looking more closely at the sketches on the table between them. 

“Guerin, what am I looking at here? What is all this?”

Michael exhaled deeply before answering. “Schematics for a ship.” 

“Wait, you are trying to rebuild the ship you crashed in? Why?” Alex asked, but he already knew the answer. To leave. 

“When we came out of the pods, we didn’t know anything or anyone else, it was just the three of us. We were in this world that we knew nothing about, but so long as we had each other, we were home. But when Max and Isobel were adopted and I was left behind, everything changed for me. I was moved from home to home, foster family to foster family, every one worse than the last. Nothing ever felt like home. So I started researching, making plans, stealing what artifacts I could, trying to find a way back. Trying to build a ship to take me to a family that wanted me.”

“So you’re leaving,” Alex breathed, barely above a whisper. 

Michael walked over to Alex slowly until he was so close he could feel the emotion radiating off of him. He shrugged, “I don’t know. Even if I had all the pieces, which I don’t...I don’t know. I don’t really have a lot keeping me here.”

Michael’s words were like a hammer to Alex’s heart. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. After everything they had been through, Michael was just going to leave. 

Michael could see the hurt in Alex’s eyes from his confession. He tried to think of something to say to ease the pain his words caused. ‘Alex wanted the truth.’ Michael thought to himself. So he decided to give it to him. Pain be damned.

“Alex, I’ve tried. I tried to be there for you after that day in the shed, to help protect you from your father, but you pushed me away. I tried to convince you to stay and follow your dreams instead of your father’s and you enlisted anyway. Every time you came back to Roswell, you would say, ‘this is the last time, Guerin’ and then you would leave again. You never even told me what happened over there,” motioning to Alex’s leg, “that you had been hurt. Then you came back to Roswell and acted as if nothing happened between us, accused me doing something illegal, of cooking meth. And I still came back to you—at the reunion, then you blew me off again, then the drive in...rinse and repeat. What the hell else can I do?” 

“You can stay,” Alex whispered. Michael just sighed and hung his head. Tears were streaming down Alex’s face at this point. He had finally done it. He had pushed Michael away one too many times. Pushed him so far, he wanted to leave the fucking planet. 

Michael reached out to Alex and tried to brush the tears away, but Alex flinched and backed away. 

“I gotta go,” Alex said abruptly. “I just need to go.”

Michael watched him for a moment, pain and regret in his eyes, then nodded slightly. 

Alex then turned and climbed up the ladder as quickly as his prosthetic would let him, leaving Michael alone in the bunker. Walking away from him for maybe the last time.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Alex leaving Michael in his bunker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since the first chapter was written prior to 1x10 airing, there is no talk of the console and the missing piece. I couldn’t leave them both upset, especially with the hiatus, hence chapter 2. I need all the Malex love I can get.

Alex was sitting in his SUV outside the Airstream struggling to control his breathing and the anxiety coursing through his veins. He couldn’t move. Michael wanted to leave and if he did, Alex would never see him again. The thought of never again seeing Michael’s face, never again feeling his touch, never again having their bodies become one as they made love, made it impossible for Alex to pull air into his lungs. He felt as though he could die right there where he sat. He never would have thought that this would be the outcome of confronting Michael that morning. 

Michael on the other hand, stood in the bunker, frozen in place, eyes still staring at the ladder where Alex had been only moments ago, scrambling to get away. Michael had bared his soul to Alex and he left, again. He needed air, needed a drink, needed something to shut out all the devastation he was feeling. He took a deep breath, quickly glanced around the room at all of his plans, then walked to the ladder and climbed out of the bunker. He did a double take seeing Alex’s SUV still parked in front of his trailer. Alex had not left. Michael hesitated before slowly walking over to the SUV. Alex was in the front seat, hands gripping the steering wheel tightly. His eyes were closed, his mouth open, chest heaving, and he was gasping for breath. Michael, alarmed at the sight, quickly threw open the door. Alex did not move, his panic attack overwhelming him and making him oblivious to the world around him. Michael reached in and roughly grabbed his face, attempting to shake him out of it. 

“Alex. Alex!” Michael said firmly.

Alex opened his eyes and blinked rapidly upon hearing Michael’s voice. Michael slid his hands down from Alex’s face and rubbed his shoulders, trying to ease him out of haze. He then returned his hands to Alex’s face, gently rubbing his thumbs across his cheeks. 

“Alex look at me.” His voice softening. “Are you with me?”

Alex slowly turned his head towards Michael, meeting his eyes as he still struggled for breath. Tears involuntarily began streaming down his face. Michael knew that face, he himself has had that face, so many times, the face of a broken man. Michael felt a pang in his heart, realizing that he was the cause of Alex being in so much pain. He regretted his earlier words. No matter what Alex has done, Michael never wanted to inflict this much hurt on him. He knew what it felt like and would never wish that on anyone, let alone Alex.

“Alex?” This time Michael spoke barely above a whisper and placed a hand on Alex’s chest, trying to calm him. “Please breathe. Breathe with me.” 

“Michael...I...” Alex gasped. 

“It’s ok. Come on...” Michael grabbed his hand and led him gently out of the car and towards his trailer. Alex followed without a word. Once inside, Michael silently encouraged him to sit down on the small bed, as Michael sat down beside him. Still holding Alex’s hand Michael spoke. 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you.” 

Alex, breath finally slowing to almost normal, but still overcome with emotion, spoke quietly, “You...you have no reason to be sorry. I have walked away from you, so many times.” Alex closed his eyes and hung his head, dejected, but still gripped Michael’s hand tightly. “All you’ve known from this world is abandonment and pain and rejection. I don’t blame you for wanting to leave it.”

“Not all I’ve known,” Michael replied softly, squeezing Alex’s hand. Alex looked up at him. He could see the love reflected back in Michael’s eyes, but could also see the hurt that remained. Michael had shared so much of himself today, it was time for Alex to do the same.

“He threatened to kill you.” Alex said abruptly. “That’s why I enlisted.” 

Michael just stared at Alex, eyes wide, unable to respond to the admission. 

“He said what happened in the shed was nothing compared to what he would do to you if I didn’t go. I knew what he was capable of, god did I know. I didn’t want to leave...to leave you, I loved you, but I had to protect you from him.”

“Alex...” Michael was still at a loss for words, so Alex continued. 

“I’m sorry I never said goodbye. I’m sorry that you had to find out from someone else. I knew I would never be able to go if I did and I had to go. It broke my heart to do that to you, to break yours. I thought about you every day while I was gone.”

Michael closed his eyes tightly, his mind struggling to comprehend Alex’s words.

“Every time I came back to Roswell on leave, I wanted to see you, I had to see you, to touch you, be touched by you. But every time he always got in my head and I would panic, remembering his threats. Even at the drive-in, when he looked at you, hatred in his eyes, I freaked out and pushed you away. He had already brought so much pain on you, I couldn’t let him cause anymore.” 

“Alex, stop.” Michael let go of Alex’s hand and reached up to cup his face. Michael kissed him gently to quiet him. 

“I’m such a coward.” Alex muttered, as they pulled apart.

“On no planet are you a coward. You’ve been fighting wars your entire life: your father, the kids in high school, Iraq. You are the bravest man I know. Even though I wish you would have talked to me, told me what was going on, and yeah at least said goodbye, I understand why you did what you did. I would have probably done the same in your position. I would do anything to protect you, I hope you know that.” He paused, eyes struggling to hold back the tears that were forming. “I’ve been rejected and tossed aside by almost everyone in my life since I got to this planet. I’ve never felt like I deserved happiness or love. I just figured you were just like everyone else. That you had realized that I was not worth your time, so you took off. It never crossed my mind that you had left to protect me, and for that I’m sorry.” 

Alex laughed dryly. Michael was taken aback by his response and pulled away. Alex reacted quickly to Michael’s withdraw and reached out to pull Michael’s face in his hands. Alex smiled softly, sighed, then spoke.

“We are a god damn mess, aren’t we?” 

It was Michael’s turn to laugh. 

“Yeah I guess we are, but at least we’re talking. That’s something, right?”

Alex nodded as Michael reached up to place his hands over Alex’s on his face. He picked up one of Alex’s hands and placed a kiss on the palm. Alex smiled fondly at the gesture. 

“I love you, Michael, more than anything. I never stopped.”

Michael closed his eyes for a brief moment, absorbing his words, really feeling them, believing them. 

“I love you too, Alex. Always have. And I’m not going anywhere, at least not anywhere without you, ok?”

Alex let out the breath he was holding and felt the weight that had been bearing down on his chest lifting. Alex finally felt like he could breathe again. Michael saw the relief flooding over Alex and pulled him into a hug. Alex returned the embrace and they sat there just holding each other, each not wanting to let the other go again. But they did let go, just enough for their lips to meet in a soft, tender kiss. They still had a lot of issues to work through, but this was a start.


End file.
